People say you have to let go and move on in life, They post pictures with inspirational saying on them. These saying are true and they always bring a smile to my face when I read them and I say “yes” you have to let go of the past to move forward in life it is so true, But what is left out of these Inspirational saying and Pictures how you do it... Saying it and knowing it is true isn’t actually doing it. That is where the hard work comes in because our past can and does make us who we are if we allow it to.
If you are not able to let go and move on in life you have to be taught to do so and you need to practice what you are taught over and over again because nothing in life is ever just as easy as saying “ I will now do this!” Shit if it was that easy we would all be millionaires! Letting go is something we all struggle with on a daily basis whether it is personal relationships, Past trauma’s or even just going to work in the morning.
Letting go is never an easy thing. I am not afraid to admit it I still have problems letting go of things but I have tools and I use them sometimes they work and sometimes I have to think of new and exciting ways of using them, But even then it is hard.. I am going to share a short Journal entry from my book today about how I learned to let go of my past and move forward with my musical life I hope you enjoy it. It was an email I sent to my therapist Mastora
I have something I would like to share with you I hope you don't mind. This is what I wrote in my Journal this morning and what I did on my run to heal the way I feel about music.
On my run this morning I said good bye to all the things that bothered me about playing music. When I said good bye I said hello to something positive.
I went through everything I wasn't afraid of saying out loud what I really felt about people I tried to please. Things I tried to do for them, Things that stressed me out and I lost sleep over I said good bye to it all and I said hello to happy things that I didn't let myself have before things I felt were out or reach or I didn't deserve to have. I let in all the good that I never had before.
It felt fantastic and good to just say all these things out loud and it was even better that I countered with what I want to feel now. I realized that this isn't me saying good bye to music but me actually just growing as a musician. I will now start over, I will look at my bass in a new way, I will learn to look at music in a new way just like I have learned to live my life in a new way.
New tools new outlook and new views. This is not the end of my musical career but an exciting new direction a new start! If I have my bass sitting in a room with me then I will let it sit and I will think about the good times I have had with it. I will also start by just seeing the beauty in the bass itself. If one day I pick it up and play it then that will be just fine but I am willing to take the time to let it happen.
I am willing to go even further then I have so far in my almost 2 years of fighting depression and learn to be a musician, I deserve to be happy! I deserve to now enjoy my talent for myself. I have given away too many years to other people’s happiness and now I am ready to do it for myself.
I am working on my playing now I play for 5 minutes at a time and if I have any bad thoughts I stop and walk away I am accomplishing a lot with self love and realizing that it is okay to enjoy myself when I play my bass. I am a long way from doing a gig or joining a band but I am learning to be the musician I always wanted to be and that is what matters. I can say I have passion for music for the first time ever and it is exciting!