Today I would like to share an example of just how powerful our minds actually are, how when that power is focused we can accomplish great things. I often talk about this at my talks, that people who struggle with depression, anxiety, and any mental illness are some of the most brilliant and smart people you will ever meet. Their minds just working all the time. But they have never learned how to focus there over active minds in a health way.
I have learned over the last 5 years of therapy to focus my over active mind, sometimes it is hard and sometimes it is easy. I learned that writing allows me to deal with so many things in my life, I can reason things out, see the world in different ways, create wonderful meditations, have a safe place to go to in my mind. I can also put pen to paper or fingers to a keyboard and use writing as a therapeutic tool. I have learned how to heal traumas in my life, to come up with solution’s and find closure to life changing events. This has been a game changer in my life. It has had such an impact on me that it inspired me to write “Creative Writing For The Mind, Body & Soul” so other people can learn what I have learned and in doing so make therapy a personal and wonderful experience. The only way therapy ever works is when you except it and you learn to apply it in your own way.
Today I am going to share a I trauma that has been affecting me everyday of my life since it happened. The death of my father. I am going to share how through meshing written word with mentation, I was able to finally find some peace and say good bye to him in my own personal way, away that I created and felt comfortable and have excepted fully.
Saying goodbye to my Dad
This morning I thought about my Dad, how nice it would be to be with him again. If I could be with him again I would tell him about the wonderful things in my life. I would not waste anytime asking him questions about the after life, but instead tell him about Dylan(my son). How he will be turning 11 soon, how big he is getting. I would love to see his smile and hear his voice, feel his spirit, calm and loving again. So I finally decided to go and see him.
I took deep breaths, I closed my eyes and I went to my safe place my tree. I walked around my tree and I ran my hand over it’s bark, saying Hi and letting it know I was there. I took a deep breath and I stepped in side. I continued to breath deep, I sat crossed legged in the trunk. I breathed deep and took air in through my leaves, down through the trunk , out through my roots and back again. I felt everything the tree could feel. I stayed there living in the moment until I built up the courage to see my Dad. I stood up I took a deep breath and I stepped out of the tree.
I was then in a large green field with small yellow flowers mixed in green grass. This field was lite with a huge bright sun, framed by a deep blue ski with no clouds in sight. The field stretched out with no end, there was a calming cool breeze. About 50 feet in front of me were 2 leather arm chairs. My Dad was sitting in the chair on the left-hand side. As I walk toward him he turned and smiled at me and said “ Hi Darc” He was no longer the man I watched die slowly, but he was now back to being the health strong man I new when I was just a little boy, a man in the prime of his life. His eyes were bluer then the sky and filled with happiness because he is going to get to sit and talk with me for the first time in almost a year. I said “Hi Dad” and sat down beside him.
I reach out and held his hand like I did when I was just a little boy. I let the feeling of being safe and happy fill me. We sat together and looked out at the vast green field in front of us, feeling each others presence, the love we have for each other. I squeezed my Dads hand and he turned to look at me with a big smile. I said “ I miss you so much, every day” he replied “ I miss you too” I then told him I am having a very hard time with losing him, I miss him everyday. My dad smiled and said he misses me as well and I need to let go and be happy again, live my life because that is what life is for, living. I then told him all about my books, the people I am helping, the lives that I am changing. He smiled and told me he always knew I was met to do great things in life. I looked into his eyes and I smiled and said thank you Dad. I then told him about Dylan, how smart he is, how big he is getting and how good of a boy he is growing up to be. My dad squeezed my hand and told me I am a wonderful father, Sherri is a wonderful mother and that Dylan will grow up to be a great man because of us. I said thank you Dad and we once again looked off into the distance together, just feeling the love we have for each other, I enjoyed the feeing of being in the presence of hero my Dad.
I took a long deep breath and said, Dad I need to say goodbye now, I need to let your death pass, I need to let go and feel the loss and start living my life again. My Dad smiled and said, Darcy I am always with you, in your thoughts, in your heart, your soul. I replied and said everything about you lives in me, you were the greatest father anyone could have had. He just smiled and said thank you Darcy, I did the best I could, no go and live your life, I am always with you…
We both stood up and we hugged for a long time. I let go of him and looked him in his beautiful blue eyes and told him I loved him, I loved him so much. He looked at me with his eyes watering and told me he loved me too.
I slowly walked away from my Dad, my hero the man who has influenced my life in so many ways. I said goodbye to him.. After a year of grieving in silence, fighting and fighting with myself over his death I said good bye.
As I walked away towards my tree I turned and my Dad was standing and waving goodbye to me. The same way he would when we would back out of his drive way after a Sunday afternoon visit. I waved back to him for the last time and continued to walk to my tree. The air was now warmer and I could feel my fathers love for me now more then ever before. I turned back again and my Dad was now sitting in the leather chair looking out into the vast green field. My heart was pounding and my throat was swollen unable to swallow, I cried and cried as I walked closer to my tree. I had to say goodbye I couldn’t keep living the way I was living. My Dad will always be in my heart and soul, in my thoughts when I need him. But I had to say goodbye because I am not meant to live my life being sad, holding on to sadness is not health, it is not what my father would want me to do. So I said goodbye in the only way that I could handle and except.
I walked to my tree, I walked around it feeling it’s bark and I looked back one more time. There was a flash of light, a shooting star leaving the earth, it was my Dad. The leather chairs were gone and so was he. I stepped into my tree and I crossed my legs and I sat breathing deep in through my leaves, down through my trunk, out through my roots and back again, feeling everything the tree felt. I stayed there for a long time breathing deep and truly being the tree. Once I was calm and at peace I stood up and stepped out of the tree.
I had to say goodbye, I knew that the only way I could do it was with this new tool I had embraced. Meshing writing with meditation and coming up with my own personal way of saying goodbye. I thought for I long time I could deal with my Dad’s passing like everyone else, but I am not like everyone else and there is no normal or the right way to deal with the loss of someone you love so much. There is no normal way of grieving and learning to live with out someone.
My mind doesn’t shut down and that power I have must be used, so I used it over a 24 hour time period to create this meditation and help me say goodbye to the most amazing, caring, loving person who gave me life and has had the largest influence on me. This was not an easy task it drained me to my core, but I did it, as hard as it was to do, I finally said goodbye to my Dad, I am happy that I was able to do it in this way. I love you Dad, I will see you again sometime!
I am happy that I was able to bring myself to this point in time, that I was able to look inside myself and pin point this emotional struggle, that has been holding me back for almost a year. I am happy that I found away to go and be with my Dad, feel his love and say goodbye in a manner that suited me.
I write about it, I talk about it, but I never did it for my self when it came to my Dad’s death. I am at peace now because I found this way to say goodbye. I will have ups and downs because I am human, but I take pride in what I have done. Good bye Dad I love you and I miss you!
This is how I mesh writing with meditation. I created the environment I want to be in and while I write I let my mind truly go there. I knew what I wanted to say to my Dad and how I wanted it to end. It was very emotional and painful, but I did it and now I am at peace with the loss. When you write you are in a safe place where you are able to express your self in any manner you chose. Writing is a super power and we all have it, we all have that over active mind that craves to be focused and when it is we can all achieve great things. Even heal that which we think is impossible to heal.
I succeed in life
I am worth changing
I am not afraid to be myself
I am not afraid to be happy, I deserve to be happy
I am a strong and smart man I will beat depression!
“Only with open conversation can we beak the stigma behind depression. Let’s start talking and do it together!”