"Why I Run" Question 1
Today I am going to share Question 1 from my book "WHY I Run"
Question 1: Do people take joy in doing simple things? Is it right for me to actually do something and get lost in the moment and truly enjoy myself or is it a totally selfish thing to do? Do normal people do this all the time?
The big one. I couldn't grasp the concept of just enjoying myself. After all, I ran every day and I never enjoyed myself. I played in a band, but never enjoyed myself. I played my bass, practised 4 hours a day, never enjoyed myself.
What a strange thing, actually enjoying one self. I had trained myself for so long to live for other people and not myself so even just doing anything nice for myself seemed like a selfish act. So I gave it a try. Why not?
My therapist told me to start doing something for myself. So I listened, and learned that everything takes practice, even enjoying yourself. I started going for coffee at a nice little coffee shop on the way to work. I would just sit there and think about nothing. It was so hard at first, but I got better at it and before I knew it my day just didn't feel right unless I went there either before work or at lunch.
I practised treating myself well, till it felt good. Such a small thing, just having a coffee and not thinking. Just taking joy in doing nothing. The world can wait for Darcy Patrick for once. He is having a coffee and enjoying himself!
I started watching my son. I coloured with him, played Lego with him, and learned so much from him. Children know how to get lost in the moment. Getting lost in the moment is not easy for a depressed person.
“I love playing Lego with my son.” My son would take a Lego man and stand him on a small brick and the Lego man had a jet pack, he was flying around the room. Put that same Lego man on a bigger piece of Lego, he is surfing. Add wheels to that surf board you have a skate board. Getting lost in play with a 5 year old is priceless.....you just play, no one saying that what you’re doing is wrong. You’re just playing, having fun.
There is nothing wrong with getting lost and enjoying the moment. Small things are great to get lost in.
Stop and smell the roses, people say sometimes. I used to just laugh and think who has time for that! And I love gardening! But I never took the time to smell the roses. I would use my gardening time like I did my running time: for self-hate and loathing.
But now I was learning that it is okay to get lost. It's okay to enjoy yourself. It's okay to love the moment you are in, and I don't care what normal people do because no one is normal and now I can do whatever I want to do. Just as long as I think it is good, then, man, it is good.
Living for other people and depending on their happiness for my own happiness was a dead end street. It left me broken and battered and depressed the answer to question number 1 was, Yes. Yes to everything and that is it.