This morning my alarm clock went off at 5:00am as normal. I have developed a selfcare routine over the last 7 years since starting therapy for depression and anxiety that I stick to and have grown to love, but sometimes when that alarm clock goes off, I just don’t want to get up at all. This is always a sign that I need to jump out of bed and selfcare because when these thoughts are in my head it is time to do the opposite of what my mind is telling me! I have learned that as well over the last 7 years.
For the past week I have been struggling with depression, it has been creeping up slowly and gaining power over me, Covid-19 has taken its toll on all of us and I am not excluded from that. I have been doing all the things that have worked for me in the past and the things that I teach people to do as well. But the one thing that I had not done was just stop and breath and feel. I sat and I breathed deep and my mind was going all over the place, from one thought to another. I was scrambled up, it’s no wonder I have been having such a hard time, all this emotion building up and I wasn’t giving it the time it deserved.
I breathed deep and I let one thought in to my mind and breathed into it, slowly feeling it and then bringing my attention to the healing power of my breath, I would stay there breathing, feeling the love I had created. I would then let my mind go again and treat my next thought with the same love. I repeated this over and over, reaching a deeper and deeper state of calm as I showed myself this love. I was listening to what my Mind, Body & Soul were telling me, what I was missing for the last week as my depression was gaining ground on me.
I wasn’t listening before, but right now I was; the timing was perfect. I sat, I listen, I breathed, I felt and showed my self love from the inside out. When I opened my eyes, I looked at my watch and it was 6:00am, I slowly put on my toe shoes and left my back yard to run.
When I got to the end of the street I turned left instead of my normal right, I was face to face with the sunrise. The sky was on fire! The colours were amazing! bright red, orange, pink, purple, blue, what an amazing sight, I was filled with so much happiness, and joy, fully lost in the moment.
There were people standing at bus stops with there back to the sunrise, there were people sitting and drinking coffee on a pick neck table with there backs to the sunrise. I passed 2 people walking their dogs with there backs to the sunrise.
I thought to myself it is amazing how sometimes we don't see the beauty that is right in front of us. I smiled because after years and years and years of not seeing what was in front of me I am now able too! That includes the time I spent showing myself love before I ran, sitting, breathing, feeling, loving. Then seeing this sunrise, making that left-hand turn! I am happy today to be alive to experience all of this!
Learning to be mindful and seeing what is actually going on in your life and all around takes practice and sometimes it takes a lot of courage as well. Stepping back, looking at what is going on in your life, breathing deep and actually feeling it is very scary and humbling. For me sometimes I feel that because of all the things I have done, all the work and how far I have come, that having a slip is something that I just should not experience.
The truth is I am human, I feel, I slip and I get down, why? Because again I am human. The good news is I have tools now, before I had none, I can feel and breath into it and let it go, before I would let myself sink deeper and deeper.
I can now feel when I am not right, I can stray away from my normal routine, I can then do what I feel is right at the time and know that it is good for me. I can take that left hand turn instead of right and see that amazing sunrise, while others just sit or walk or stand with their back turned the other way not seeing what is actually there. I used to laugh when people would talk about mindfulness, meditation and the mind, body and soul connection, but once I opened myself up to change and accepting that which I did not accept before, everything changed.
Even knowing that I am a human who feels and reacts and has slips here and there has become okay and it is all part of being on the earth and learning to be emotional aware.
Take that left turn in life even though you normally go right, change your routine even though it is always the same, trust and feel even when it is scary! Life is short! Don’t miss anymore sunrises or sunsets. When you start to feel overwhelmed, trapped, your mind is racing, your heart is ponding! That is your mind, your body and soul talking to you, stop and have a listen don’t turn your back, breath deep, you are a human it is okay to feel.
I am now offering “One on One” Sessions where I slowly at a natural pace teach all the tool’s I have learned to use over the last 7 years to fight depression, anxiety! Let me help you make that left hand turn!
Learn more by visiting darcypatrick.com